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|  | |  | | | The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism | | | | | SKU:
Z193256506XZN | | In Stock | | Availability:
Usually ships in 1 business days | | | | | | Silver Award Winner in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards! Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they inevitably broke his rules, he felt worthless and unloved. Both Temple and Sean ultimately came to terms with the social world and found their places in it. Whether you are a person with autism, a caregiver in the autism community, or just someone interested in an "outsider" view of society, their powerful stories will enthrall and enlighten you. Helpful sections include: - Two Perspectives on Social Thinking
- Two Minds: Two Paths
- The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, which include:
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- Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based
- Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things
- Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day.
- Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy
- Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation
- Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend
- Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private
- Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off
- Rule #9: “Fitting In” is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In
- Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors
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| | Product Details | | Author: | Temple Grandin | | Hardcover: | 383 pages | | Publisher: | Future Horizons | | Publication Date: | November 01, 2005 | | Language: | English | | ISBN: | 193256506X | | Product Length: | 9.58 inches | | Product Width: | 6.01 inches | | Product Height: | 1.34 inches | | Product Weight: | 1.61 pounds | | Package Length: | 9.13 inches | | Package Width: | 5.98 inches | | Package Height: | 1.26 inches | | Package Weight: | 1.55 pounds | | Average Customer Rating: |  based on 34 reviews |
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| | Customer Reviews | Average Customer Review: ( 34 customer reviews )
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
262 of 266 found the following review helpful:
 Wonderful! Nov 20, 2005
By Just me
I love this book and would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in autism and/or sociology. I mention sociology because, even if you have no interest in autism, the book is a great look at all of the unwritten rules and codes in our society that we live by but may be unaware of. Also, we are reintroduced to Sean Barron, thirteen years after we first met him in "There's a Boy in Here".
I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!
One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.
77 of 78 found the following review helpful:
Fascinating Guide to Understanding & Teaching the Autistic Mind Mar 28, 2007
By Jack Gardner
"jvg1"
Fascinating. One author with minimal, and one with maximum, emotionally-influenced autism, provides a range of insights for understanding and teaching minds on the autistic spectrum.
One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.
For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.
Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.
The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.
118 of 124 found the following review helpful:
I don't know when I last recommended a book this widely... Jun 17, 2006
By valentine03
...or this fast! I haven't actually finished it yet, you see, but every page seems to be a revelation. After sharing several passages with my teen son, who has Asperger's, today he took it away from me and began reading it himself. The front flap is his bookmark, the back flap is mine.
This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.
Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.
39 of 40 found the following review helpful:
Excellent book for anyone, but especially parents of autism spectrum children Apr 29, 2006
By Grandma
"Kathy"
I have been reading a new book by these two autism spectrum individuals who have
been successful in adult life, entitled "Unwritten Rules of Social
Relationships:Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism," and on the back cover Sean's mother says, "I wish I had this book when Sean was a child. It would have helped me understand Sean so much more."
As I am reading it, I am seeing echoes of my grandson's struggles over and over again. And also the two individuals who wrote it, with some help from an editor, are quite different from one another. Grandin is an Asperger's thinking-type scientist, and Barron is an emotion-feeling-type autistic individual, more like my grandson in many ways. Both of them, however, feel deeply and intensely.
As adults (Grandin is now almost 60), they have been able to review and process
their own life struggles to help others through the maze of what sometimes seem like alien social customs. And they have come up with 10 Rules that if we can help our children understand them, will make life much easier for them. At the risk of giving away the plot (;-)) I'm going to list the first six here:
"Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based.
Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things.
Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It doesn't have to ruin your day.
Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy
Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in any Situation.
Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend.
I highly recommend this book. Tomorrow I'm going to be filling in for a nearby
pastor who is going away for the weekend, and I have to do a children's sermon. I had already decided to print out a copy of a traffic light, and talk about how "Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right"--two red lights don't make a green light...to the assembled young kids at the front of the congregation. Much to my surprise, when I started to read the book, Temple quoted that in the first paragraph of her first chapter as an example of a rule that helped her in her childhood in the 50s.
By the way, if we could get the neurotypical population to understand Rule
number 1, we could have a lot better inclusive school system and society.
38 of 40 found the following review helpful:
 Great for Parents....Not so much for patients Nov 02, 2009
By Guillame Avallone
I have Asperger's Syndrome, so you would think this book would've helped me. And while I could identify with a few aspects of the authors' experiences with Asperger's, I found precious little that could help me cope with life in the non-autistic world. The book goes into great detail about how to raise, teach, and help folks with autism and Asperger's, but it doesn't really offer much for folks who have the syndrome. Then again, I've yet to find a book written as a guide specifically for aspies. Most of the literature out there is geared toward teachers and parents. I guess they figure we can't handle it :P
See all 34 customer reviews on Amazon.com
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